Truth: you’re never going to get along with every person you meet. Personalities differ, and we are all brought up in unique situations. So in my opinion it’s natural that you won’t immediately click or become BFFs with everyone you meet. But what about the girl who is incapable of making any female friends?
That’s right. I was inspired by The Bachelor, again.
Screen shot from ABC
I’ve heard the many arguments the Tierras of the world make: all women are catty, women just don’t like me, girls are jealous, I’m so misunderstood. Some of those may be true about a handful of women a person meets throughout her lifetime, but I just have a really hard time believing that a woman is incapable of cultivating even a single friendship with another woman.
Sure, she may be super-athletic or a tomboy, but there are other women out there like that. And maybe she has tons of brothers and is used to male friendships, but again there are plenty of other women who have grown up with similar experiences. So when it comes down to it, I guess I just don’t get it.
I’ve heard the saying, “don’t trust a woman who can’t make female friends,” and I’m not quite sure I’d take it that far, but I sure as hell can’t understand it. To me it’s a red flag that points to some bigger issue, but who am I to diagnose that issue? I’m no psychiatrist.
Tell me your thoughts. How do you feel about women without any female friends? Do you think they’re untrustworthy or just misunderstood?
You’re so right. I think every girl has other girls who don’t like them/they don’t like- it’s human nature. For example, there were always a group of girls in high school who hated that I did well in school and was class president, and in college there were girls who hated me because of my boyfriend (luckily he’s long gone now and they can HAVE HIM! ha).
I don’t watch the Bachelor, but I’ve seen/read enough about this Tierra chick (what a terrible name!) online and in magazines, so I feel like I can comment on this. She’s obviously attractive, so I can see why girls may not like her, but then I saw a few clips of her acting crazy and now I realize that she’s just psycho haha! There’s a huge difference between not being liked because you’re attractive, successful, etc. and not being liked because you are a crazy chick.
Untrustworthy. All the way. (I don’t watch the Bachelor but I think we all met someone like that. I have.)
I think girls need other girl friends! You may not need many and the kind of friend you need may be different from others, but female friends are important for everyone to have! Studies show that humans feel less lonely when they spend time with females. So both males and females need to have at least one girl around just to feel more supported. It makes me nervous and sad for her if she doesn’t have one girl she could trust.
Jenn
With Luck
Untrustworthy! I was a girl in high school (and honestly- a lot now) that spent a lot of time with male friends, but I had female friends and always loved the time I spent with them. There definitely needs to be a balance.
And Tierra was the worst! Maybe it was editing to make her look horrible- but I still don’t think I’d like her in person.
This is so true! I only have a few close female friends and for me its better that way. I’ve learned that not every girl you meet will be your friend, some are just trying to talk to you for some reason, others turn out to be a back stabber while others turn out to be a long time friend.
-Vogue&Heels
vogueandheels.com
First off, love the bachelor (and still need to watch last night’s episode…I recorded it)! Anyway, I agree with you – it’s kind of confusing. I know those girls who say they never get along with other girls, etc. I dont really get it either. I understand if the girl isn’t a full on girly girl with 45 female friends, but at least a few I would imagine isn’t that difficult. I don’t necessarily think it’s because of being untrustworthy, but I’m not really sure what it is haha. I’m with you though – I kind of just dont get it! Great post! xo, Julie
My roommate and I were JUST having the same conversation last night (actually, we have it a lot) and I’m totally in the same place as you with it. There are always going to be people, girls and guys, that you don’t get along with because of differing personalities, etc…that’s just going to happen, no matter how nice either person is! That being said, girls who cannot get along with other women, I simply do not understand. I’ve unfortunately run into a few of these women in my life, and I can safely say it always, ALWAYS stems from larger issues. I really wanted to slap Sean across the face for half the season, because when you have 20 women telling you they can’t get along with ONE girl, chances are it’s the girl that’s the problem and not everyone else haha. Any woman who can’t get along with other women, or who, like Tierra, claims no one likes her because they’re jealous or are threatened because she looks a certain way, etc. I truly pity–Tierra screams “crazy psycho” and just seems like she lives a sad life. I want to question the sanity of the man that’s marrying her!
I completely agree with this! I used to kind of have a friend but she was so fake… that the whole time it was like she was plotting against every GIRL she was ever “friends” with. She seriously has no female friends now and barely any friends period. It is sad that someone can’t get along with other women and if they try to say it is because other women are jealous of them (seriously you have to at least have a couple girls you get along with) it is because THEY ARE TOO JEALOUS of other women to maintain any sort of a friendship.
When a woman says, “I don’t have any female friends,” that’s a red flag to me. How can you just write off 50% of the population? It’s so judgmental and immature. Most women like that say they aren’t friends with women because women are catty and dramatic and [insert other female stereotype here]. That’s insulting because they’re perpetuating a stereotype that is often untrue. Also, you shouldn’t be friends with ANYONE who is catty and dramatic, guys included! It just makes me sad when women turn against fellow women. Perpetuating stereotypes doesn’t help anyone.
I think 99% of the time, a woman without ANY female friends, is probably cray cray and no one wants to be her friend. And she can’t possibly be that beautiful and amazing where every single woman out there is jealous of her!
xo, Yi-chia
Always Maylee
I personally don’t watch reality television shows because it seems uncanny that they seem to find people with these personalities to stir the drama up and make for good television. I have enough family drama in my life that I try hard to avoid that I can’t even fathom the idea of inviting someone else’s.
I make it a personal goal to try to make friends or at least see them in the eyes that the Lord would have me see them. Now with that said, I am in NO WAY perfect. However, I am more of an observer. I watch how people treat others, how they speak about others and how they react to certain situations. Women who constantly thrive on being in the outs with people seem to have more of a need to be seen and heard by all. They justify their personality on the need to be heard by claiming they are misunderstood. It’s not that I don’t want to make friends with those people, but I do think there is an underlining desire to make others as miserable as they are underneath.
I don’t think that women who don’t have female friend are necessarily to be untrusted, but I do know that if you can’t make relationships with ANY women, (meaning you can’t find one woman who is similar to you in any way) I would be a little concerned. I had a good friend that was very similar. She lost many friends and broke many hearts.
Lol I definitely know the girl you’re talking about that “doesn’t do girlfriends”. I honestly considered myself one of them for a long time (I’m also that girl whose best friend is always her long term boyfriend) but I definitely RELISH in the handful of female best friends I have and I treasure them. I think sometimes the girls without ANY girlfriends probably chooses for it to be that way, not because of how girls are to her, but because of how SHE feels about girls. Anyways, i feel like I’m rambling. Haha
OMG Tierra is seriously crazy! I agree that any girl who doesn’t get along with other girls probably has some issues. I went to an all girls school for 15 years so I definitely gravitated more toward making more guy friends in college and was never one to have a huge group of girlfriends – but still, having at least some girlfriends is an essential!
I agree with you. I may not have tons of female BFFs, but I have girlfriends. Sure, I get along with guys but that’s probably because I’m a sports fanatic and don’t care about throw pillows. It doesn’t mean I don’t have girlfriends. I think if a girl just plain doesn’t have any girl friends, there’s something off. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s “always” this or that, but something’s weird and I would just keep that in the back of my mind when I was getting to know her.
VERY untrustworthy, it takes a certain kind of woman to not have girl friends!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
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Sofia
stylishlyinlove.blogspot.com
I don’t actually know any woman who doesn’t have any female friends, but it definitely seems odd to me. Tierra seems absolutely nuts.
Kristina
Kristina does the Internets
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I may be the odd [wo]man out here, but I didn’t have any girl friends growing up. As an only child, I was already extremely shy. Throw in a very bad relationship with my mother, and I think it helped to foster my aversion to females. Plus, I was very insecure growing up – I’m half white, half Asian, I felt like I didn’t really fit in with anyone. And I felt like girls were always picking on me – “why’s your hair so curly? where’d you get those shoes, they’re hideous. why are you friends with so-and-so, they’re a nobody” etc etc. It just felt like guys were much more fun to be around because they didn’t judge what I was wearing or what my hair looked like that day, etc. And I could be myself.
I now have sooo many close girl friends now that I’m older. I think growing up and feeling more secure in who I am as a person has helped tremendously. So… and this is just my experience and opinion, but sometimes a girl with no girl friends isn’t always crazy. lol. 🙂
Great post!! Food for thought. 🙂 xo
I do not watch the show, but aren’t they all there to get the same guy? I have only female friends, except my fiance, and even I would have a hard time making friends under such competition. That kind of atmosphere breeds backstabbing and extreme statements that you might not really mean.
Besides, if you are prejudiced against someone, you perceive only those actions that are in line with your prejudices. So for her, all women are catty, because that is all she sees.
I absolutely agree with Sean’s sister when she said don’t be with the girl who can’t make any friends. I have been around girls like this and it is not good. If you can’t find ANY girls that you can be friends with, that is a true problem. You don’t have to like everyone, but you can’t not like anyone!